Our Blessing To Remind Me God Is God And I Am Not

As of lately blogging has been the last thing on my mind; sorry to my loyal readers for the silence. Andy and I have been going through many emotions lately. We found out in November that we are having a baby!

Let me go back... I am a planner. I love to have a plan for everything. Plans- the known- they comfort me. Having a plan and knowing what comes next gives me control. I like control of my life, I like feeling in control of events and circumstances that are happening to me.

I had a great plan. Andy and I were to live in Arizona for 3 more years. During these years I would work and Andy would focus on dental school. We would have no distractions. I have my horses out here and my dog to keep me occupied outside of my job. We have made wonderful friends here we would do "young people" things with- basically have fun. Experience Arizona, every part of it, go on crazy hikes and camping trips, take the horses on over night camping adventures. Oh man, did I have these three years planned out! Then when we were done here and Andy graduated we would move (preferably closer to home) and start thinking about children. This way my friends and I would have children around the same time. My friends that are in school and busy with their own lives- well they would be ready in 3 years. We could let our children grow up together, like we did. Wow, what a great plan. Then Andy would be making an income and I could work part time or not at all and stay at home with our children. Am I a good planner or what?!

But someone over me and over Andy and the One who ACTUALLY has control over our lives had a different plan. This plan I had, this comfort with control thing- well that was me playing God. And you know what God did, he pulled the strings that I was holding to control my life. He ripped them from my hands. And how he did that- through a blessing. A blessing that ONLY God can give. A blessing that is going to rock our world and completely turn it upside down. A blessing that will force me to let go of that control and trust in God's plan. I thought I had learned this lesson (back when we were uprooted and thrown into Arizona) and that God would let bygones be bygones but apparently I am not as quick of a learner as I hoped. It took me 17 weeks to come to peace with us having a baby and 2 weeks to become increasingly excited about it.

I have no idea how to raise a baby. We are completely out of our league here. Gosh, you should have seen us in Babies R Us trying to register- I have never felt so helpless in my life. I am the first of my friends to be pregnant and I am scared to death. I have learned I am not one of those fortunate people who do pregnancy well- seriously, just staying hydrated out here is a full time job... But I'm learning day by day. God is our only source of control here. All of our family is over 1700 miles away. I have NO IDEA what this next year is going to bring. And that scares me to death. Somehow I have finally found peace, a peace that only God can give. We are going to have to trust him daily. Trust that He will lead us to the perfect day nanny, trust that I will be able to continue working, trust that Andy can focus on school and do well with a crying baby in the house, and trust that we don't mess this whole parenting thing up too badly.

And now to the best part... We found out last week WE ARE HAVING A BOY- due August 4th! I am beyond excited for a boy. He is already so perfect and I pray that we can be the parents he deserves. By the way, we have decided we are going to continue going on as many adventures as possible- baby buck is going to have to learn to keep up pretty quickly in this household.

I hope y'all are having a wonderful week! Thank you for reading.